The conversations that lead to introductions

THIS WEEK’S BRIEF • 4 MIN READ

A lot of introductions start the same way:

Someone reaches out and asks if you know a specific person. You pause, think through your network, and try to figure out if there’s a clean way to connect them.

Sometimes there is. Sometimes there isn’t. And sometimes the thought just sits there.

There’s nothing wrong with any of this - it just isn’t where the strongest introductions usually come from. What’s worse is when we resort to satisficing when we aren’t totally sure who the right person is but suggest someone anyway.

Instead of thinking it through, the cognitive load created from the ask on the spot creates a level of pressure that ultimately degrades your decision-making ability.

So yes, there’s science behind why you can’t remember who you know at times.

This is why the best introductions usually come out of conversations that weren’t trying to get one.

Casual conversations inspire different patterns that work to your advantage, a lot of the time without you ever realizing they will.

Like when you’re catching up with someone and talking through what you’re building, what’s been working, and where things are starting to go. There’s no pressure on the moment, and no expectation that anything needs to come out of it - this is where the connection comes from.

It comes up naturally in mid-conversation.  When it’s casual, it gives people space to think where they’re not trying to come up with the right answer right away - they’re just reacting to what they’re hearing and connecting it to people they already know.

And it makes sense why: over a third of professionals say relationships start to break down when someone only reaches out when they need something.

Within the comfort of a regular conversation, better connections tend to show up.

When someone hears how you describe what you’re working on, who it’s for, and how it’s starting to take shape, that’s enough for them to form their own understanding. From there, the connection is easier to make.

Telling someone what you’re working on creates a "context cue."

Whether that cue fires the right connection in their memory depends on how richly encoded that connection is in a similar context.

That’s why if a connection does make sense, it tends to come through faster and is usually higher quality.

Try this in your next key conversation:

Instead of asking for an introduction, give the other person something to react to. Tell them why they came to mind. Walk them through what you’re working on right now, sound genuinely excited about it, and mention one thing you’ve been thinking through.

Keep it simple. No ask attached.

That’s usually enough for them to understand where you’re at. From there, if there’s a connection to be made, it will surface more naturally because you’ve now planted the seed in their mind with no pressure attached to any kind of commitment.

It’s amazing how much people want to help when you simply share what you’re working on.

You already know the people who can move things forward - the challenge is seeing them at the right time.

Goodword helps you:

The relationships are already there, we’ll help you see them.

— Team Goodword